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| (Emma Clouse, 3, of Philadelphia, looks at her presents she received from Santa at Alfred I. duPont Hospital for Children in Rockland Dec. 13, as part of the annual Delaware State Police and Delaware State Troopers Association holiday visit.) Image Source: delawareonline.com |
We’ve all heard Andy Williams croon the myriad ways that it’s the most wonderful time of the year.
But for those who are homebound, hospitalized or no longer able to share the holiday with loved ones because of infirmities or illness, it can be a lonely, depressing time as well.
An unexpected hospital stay can mean upended holiday plans. An aging parent in a nursing home leaves an empty place at the dinner table. For a caregiver, it can be a painful reminder of just how much life has changed.
It’s not always easy to replace those beloved holiday traditions, but it is important to still find meaning during this time of year, said Linda Wills, a social worker with Delaware Hospice. For some, that can happen by bringing Christmas cheer to a family member in a nursing home or hospital. It might be by volunteering to help other families facing their own obstacles celebrating the holiday. Or it could be spending quiet time in spiritual reflection.
No matter what option you choose, it’s a good bet you’re going to need to change your expectations for what the holiday is supposed to be like, Wills said.
“It’s alright that this year doesn’t look like every other year. We really encourage people to create the new normal,” she said. “It’s about acknowledging something special and something different has happened. You can go back to what you used to do next year or maybe adopt this tradition for the future.”
Family comes first wherever you are
Jason and Rachelle Hafer of Phoenixville, Pa., will spend their second holiday in the cardiac intensive care unit at Alfred I. duPont Hospital for Children. Their nearly 4-month-old daughter, Avery, was diagnosed with hypoplastic left heart syndrome shortly after her birth.
She needed surgery to help correct problems with the left side of her heart that can be life-threatening if not treated. Although she was out of the hospital for a few weeks, she wound up back at Nemours shortly before Thanksgiving. She will be there until she has a second surgery in the new year.
For the family, who also have a 2½-year-old son, Austin, it’s been a challenge juggling the hourlong commute between home and Nemours. The couple, along with their families, have tried to split duties so each can spend time with both Austin and Avery.
But it hasn’t left much time – or energy – to jump into the holiday spirit with buying presents, hanging decorations and taking part in other Christmas traditions. They are grateful to neighbors who decorated the outside of their house, even if they haven’t gotten around to decking the halls inside.
“The time just disappears,” Jason Hafer said. “You don’t realize it when you’re inside the hospital, but you come out and see how much time has passed out here with the rest of the world.”
While this year won’t be a typical Christmas – and certainly not the one they envisioned with two children at home – they are intent on keeping the holiday magic alive. Despite the challenges, Avery’s health crisis has reminded the family of their blessings as well, like the fact she went into cardiac arrest while at the hospital rather than at home.
Hafer said they’ve learned to be patient for Avery’s benefit.
“We’d rather miss this now and have years and years of holidays to spend with them rather than celebrate this one and not have something in the future,” Hafer said. “This is what is important.”
Santa finds hospital rooms, too
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| (Santa hands Caitlyn Cook, 11, of Bear, a monkey during his Dec. 13 visit at Alfred I. duPont Hospital for Children. / EMILY VARISCO/SPECIAL TO THE NEWS JOURNAL) Image Source: delawareonline.com |
Nobody wants to be in the hospital for the holidays, but local health care agencies and their volunteers work hard during this time to make sure sick and hospitalized patients don’t miss out on holiday fun.
That includes simple gestures like donating poinsettias to patients at Christiana and Wilmington hospitals, something the Junior Board of Christiana Care has done for 50 years.
At Nemours, teams of volunteers help Santa delivering gifts for kids who won’t be home on Christmas. And thanks to the magic of iPads and virtual technology, Santa had video chats with some bedridden patients who couldn’t muster an in-person visit, said Beth Carlough, manager of the child life department at Nemours.
Younger kids who are in the hospital often worry Santa will forget about them, and so child life specialists work to make sure the magic of the season isn’t lost because of sickness. In the days leading to Christmas, the big elf makes several trips down the hospital hallways, posing for pictures and taking wish lists.
“We try to normalize the days of the kids who are here,” Carlough said. “We tell them he will find them.”
It’s not just the little ones who are surprised by a visit from old St. Nick.
“It’s a great surprise to families, especially for parents because it’s the last thing they’re expecting,” Carlough said. “During something like this, parents are overwhelmed. They are so surprised a hospital is able to give great medical care but also think about their children’s emotional needs.”
Dec. 25 isn't only date that matters
Sometimes it’s the chance to give back that spreads the warmth of the holiday. At least that was the hope of Carole Breitkeitz, wellness center coordinator at Lake Forest High School in Felton. She worked with the school’s culinary arts students to put together a meal for families sitting vigil with loved ones staying at Delaware Hospice in Milford.
Breitkeitz said she was motivated to help families, who understandably put their own needs aside to care for their sick loved one. She also knew Lake Forest students would appreciate the volunteer opportunity.
Students cooked the meals in class with food donated by the Food Bank of Delaware and the student council. They then took it to the hospice and helped serve. She hopes to make it a recurring event for students as a way to support the hospice.
“Their loved ones are touched by this. Part of doing this is to help them to see what hospice is and what it does,” Breitkeitz said. “Everybody has got their hand in doing this. This is a way to make a win-win-win for everyone.”
Wills said however families decide to celebrate the holidays, it’s important to avoid strict rules and drop the fixation on a date on a calendar.
She recounted the story of a boy who was likely to die before Christmas, and the questions it posed for his family. Should they celebrate? Buy him presents even if he wasn’t going to be able to play with them?
With input from Wills, the family opted to celebrate Christmas before the date on the calendar.
As it turned out, the child died before Dec. 25, but his family, including his older sister, were left with beautiful memories of their time together.
“We don’t always have the luxury of things happening on a certain date,” she said. “The date isn’t important. It’s important they are together.”
Pediatrician Ava Benedict keeps herself updated on the latest news and updates in the healthcare industry to better serve her patients. Subscribe to this Facebook page for more discussions on health and wellness.
